There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
