if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
