The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
