a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
