i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
