I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
