Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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