he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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