life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
