i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
