He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
