I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We are two peas in an std pod
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
