You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
