god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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