found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
