$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
