ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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