:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
