just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
