I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
