You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
