my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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