He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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