3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Shame is for Republicans.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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