I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please come you make the beer taste better
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
