K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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