I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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