You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
