is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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