she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
