it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
