We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
