Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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