Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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