College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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