Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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