I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
