I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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