Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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