Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
