she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Randomize
