I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
