A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
