That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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