i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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