i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
