Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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