he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
