Got a toothbrush?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
