Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
